Someone’s probably in love with you right now, even though you think you’re boring and stupid and smell bad most of the time, someone probably saw you last week and wiped their sweaty hands on the insides of their pockets and thought about your body under your clothing and about how you would look asleep in their bed
I had a really small period and I was like “maybe I just miscarried a tiny fetus” and then I realized I haven’t had sex since Columbus landed in the Americas
I realize this sounds like I fucked Columbus. I want to clarify. Just so there’s no confusion, I did. I did fuck Columbus.